10 Things To Say To Keep The Peace

So many big arguments begin with small comments. How many times have you started a conversation on friendly terms, and then wound up in some kind of dispute that you didn't anticipate?

In my work as a family, divorce, and small-claims mediator, I've seen countless offhand remarks start a fight or add fuel to an existing fire. And I have found myself in plenty of situations where I've wanted to give someone (my husband, a colleague) what I thought was helpful advice only to inadvertently offend him or her.

The holidays, with all their extended-family gatherings, can be a verbal minefield. You're either dodging nosy questions from some tactless relative over dinner ("Still dieting then?") or taking out the stress of all that extra cooking and shopping on those dearest to you ("Do I have to do everything around here?").

It doesn't have to be that bad. Use these 10 go-to phrases to defuse potentially volatile conversations and help you get through the coming weeks and the months and years to follow in harmony.

1. "Thank you for your opinion. I'll think about it. " When you receive unsolicited advice at a family gathering, such as Aunt Sylvia's suggestion that you change your hairstyle, just smile and respond with this casual conversation terminator. If you're rudely asked a question like "Are you still single?" don't reply with a lengthy excuse. Say, "Yes, and I'll let you know if anything changes." The goal is to be polite and end the conversation. There is no need to be defensive or rude.

2. "Is this a good time for you?" Whenever I want my husband's full attention for a conversation and I don't want to compete with a football game on TV, I ask this simple question. If he gives me a green light by saying yes (and turning off the game), I proceed. If he says no, I ask, "When would be a better time?" We then agree on another time and a fight is avoided. Consider using this line at work, too. Your boss and coworkers

3. "Would you like my thoughts?" One of the biggest complaints kids have about parents is that they constantly issue orders and judgments. Sometimes this is a parent's job. But if you are often confronted with an angry response ("Who made you the authority?" or "It's none of your business"), you might benefit from dialing back. Ask your child if she wants to hear what you have to say. If she says yes, it means she is ready to listen. If she says no, then button your lip. This works for adult family members, too.

4. "Why don't we get the facts?" Some people who come to mediation tend to argue about anything and everything, including things that can be easily resolved. If you find yourself in a dispute with your brother about the price of a car or the name of the restaurant you went to over the holidays last year, state this one-liner, then look up prices online, call a store, or drive by the restaurant not so one of you can say, "I told you so," but so you can move on from the discussion before it spirals into a fight.

5. "I need your help. Can you please…?" People often ask me what they can say to family members or coworkers who don't assume their share of responsibility. Here's my simple tip: Rather than accusing the person of being lazy or inconsiderate, ask her for what you want and be specific. "Since we both drink coffee, how about if I make the pot and you clean it, or vice versa?" People are not mind readers.

6. "Let's wait on this until we have more information". Know when to table a discussion. One couple came to me with a dispute that had turned into a huge problem for them: They were constantly arguing over whether they should stay in their city apartment or move to a house in the suburbs. The issue wasn't which choice they should make (they had already agreed they wouldn't move for three years, or until their oldest child reached school age); it was that they were having a premature argument. At times like these, it's important to remind yourself and your conversation partner that it's too early to discuss the issue. Preferences will change over time, as will facts, such as home prices.

7. "What did you mean by that?" Sometimes asking the right question is all it takes to avoid an argument. We all make assumptions about other people's intentions. Asked in a genuinely interested (and not passive-aggressive) way, this question allows your conversation partner to explain himself before you jump to conclusions. Only then should you offer your response.

8. "I don't like that, so why don't we do this instead?" This is how to complain with impact. Rather than nagging your mate about a problem, focus on finding a solution for the future. For example, instead of moaning about buying all the holiday gifts, suggest that he shop for the men in the family and you buy for the women or split some other duties.

9. "I'm sorry you're upset." When you find yourself frustrated with a friend or a close family member who didn't take your advice, you desperately want to say something like "I told you so" or "That was a dumb thing to do." Don't. Dishing out criticism won't change a thing. A compassionate response will help you both move forward.

10. "Let me get back to you." Everyone needs a prepared comment to delay a response when he or she is put on the spot. For example, a cousin suggests you prepare a main course for her potluck Christmas party for 20 people or the president of the PTA picks you to head a committee for a year. Keep this line handy at all times, especially during the holiday season. If you don't want the person to feel as if she is being dismissed, give her a time when she can expect a response: "Let me get back to you by tomorrow afternoon." And then make sure that you do.

(Written by: Laurie Puhn)

The Dark Side Of Positive Thinking

The other day I came across a post on
positive thinking and it really made me think. Today I'd like to share my thoughts on the subject.

I'm a big fan of positive thinking, really I am. Those who think positively tend to have a much greater quality of life than those who let negative thoughts continually command their lives. But the fact of the matter is, positive thinking can only get you so far, by no means is it the answer to all your problems.

Being an active member in the personal development community, I see countless of individuals claiming their lives are a mess, many modeling the complaint,"I sit at home all day thinking about all the things I want, but nothing good ever comes out of it."

Really? Do you really think just sitting at home all day thinking "positive thoughts" will manifest the life that you desire? Unfortunately many do.

That's the problem with movies like the Secret and similar belief models; they falsely market the idea of "think it and it will occur." Hundreds of thousands of individuals believe that by just thinking positively their life is going to magically transform. They then fall victim to the delusion of their own reality, causing a tremendous amount of pain and suffering.

Does that render visualization and uplifting affirmations useless? - Absolutely not. I'd be crazy if I were to say positive thinking is worthless, because it really can make a huge impact on the life you live. Yet the act of wishful thinking remains deficient, it can't stand alone without quickly collapsing.

Positive thinking without action is like a beautiful car without wheels . It doesn't matter how good it looks, without wheels your car isn't going to go very far (if anywhere at all.) This same principle applies to your life journey. You can think all the wonderful thoughts you want, but without Effort and Execution the life you long for won't ever truly appear.

Because a great majority of our society is so habitually negative to begin with, positive thinking often represents a tremendous upgrade to the quality of one's life. A positive thought is Always better than a negative one. But in the end reality always trumps your thoughts regardless of its intention.

I'm not going to lie; I tend to be an overly optimistic person, with an occasional flash of pessimistic pride. I like to believe that I am going to create massive change in this world. I like to believe that one day I'm going to touch millions of people's lives. I like to believe that through my writing and passion for growth that I will have an impact on all those who encounter me. Some pretty lofty goals. And for me to make my goals and aspirations a reality, I'm going to have to think big and take constant action. That is the only way.

It takes a truly aware individual to acknowledge when his or her reality isn't congruent with their thoughts. Yet examining your reality from an objective lens is essential. No doubt doing so takes a great deal of courage but it is required to really grow. Flooding your head with positive intentions is a great step up from a mind filled with negative muck, but even then you still have room to evolve.

Do you substitute action with thoughts of fluff? Or do you supplement positive thinking with consistent hustle?

All the thinking in the world doesn't change the truth.

(Written by: Bud Hennekes)

Shake Hands With Life - Atleast Halfway

Shake Hands With Life - Atleast Halfway

(Written by: Aruna Jethwani)

Everybody is floating in a vacuum, so to speak. Or, they're living on a surface.

We are strangers to our own self. The world around us, glorifying glamour, celebrating the superfluous and taken up with virtual images, has become so disconnected. When one reads of a celebrity or student taking her own life, it makes me wonder, why would anyone wish to end what is essentially a beautiful life?

Loss of face, depression, weakness and fear of rejection by family and society are some of the reasons for dejection. All these point to one thing: lack of faith and stunted self growth.

Says Dada J P Vaswani, "Depression is not what happens to us. It is due to what happens in us." However, it is failures and difficulties that make life so interesting, he points out. It is unrealistic to accept success and profit all the time; it is foolhardy to consider life as nothing but a series of problems. "Learn to live life as it is. Bend and you will not break!" advises Dada.

During a crisis we do need emotional support from family and friends; but if such support is not available for some reason, it is necessary to find it within. Inner resource will help us detach ourselves from the maya of illusion. Remember the saying: `This too shall pass away.'

Scientist and inventor Thomas Edison once remarked, "There is great value in disaster."

It is true that disappointments, pain and suffering have made life difficult for many of us – but surviving those against all odds has also made heroes out of us.

Like a tea bag, we tend to become stronger when in hot water. "For every hurt, for every plight, for every lonely pain racked night etc there is a reason. But if we trust the Lord, as we should, it all will work out for our good. He knows the reason."

There is a deeper meaning in life which is not seen immediately; it gets revealed slowly, later in life. But impatient as we are, we cannot wait –in our haste we forget to live and so we lose touch with our inner self that could have given us immense strength.

Insecurity grows by leaps due to lack of trust and that hinders bonding and so leads to absence of true emotional support. Add to this the excess of material values, which makes an individual self-conscious of his weaknesses. He suffers then from low self-esteem.

If only we could tap into our inner source, we would get empowered to face all odds. That is why it is so important to make the effort to shake hands with life; then it will meet us halfway.

Unfortunately, fear of failure haunts most people. We sail in the same boat.

We seek support and security in a relationship, in materialistic risk coverage, in money and friends. But the basic insecurity lies within. It can be transformed only with faith; by mental and spiritual exercises.

Perhaps the educational system should incorporate a curriculum of courage-giving courses to increase an individual's spiritual quotient.

Half an hour of yoga, meditation and storytelling of heroes and great souls and such inspirational talk would go a long way in making youth strong and courageous.

And to face the challenges at the ground level, let schools and colleges make it obligatory for students to do social service to the less privileged.

Let's meet life halfway at least.

Achieving Your Goals

Dear All ,

First and foremost positive thinking and big ambition is the first step to achieving your goals in life. However, it goes without saying that lofty goals without taking action is infructious.

The different is between dreaming and aiming in life is that - if you have to dream you have to fall a sleep but if you have to aim high in life you must spend sleepless nights and having said that below are few pointers which one must remember in order to realize their dreams.

1) As Stephen Covey said the difference is between condition and conditioning and for this to happen one must have realistic dreams and have be believe that the condition will change if the efforts made towards a goal are consistently. ( Conditioning here means not go wilt under pressure and give up )

2) One door always open the other and hence we have to take the first small step and continue the journey incessantly.

3) For the above to happen we must have a passion for what we do and the chosen carrier or objective has to be what we love to do the must.

4) If this happens then the universe is bound to conspire in your favor and present you with viable opportunity.

5) Therefore, firstly dreams have to be realistic and not general or abstract like I want to be a big man in life or I want to touch many lives but this must be step by step process and each step must be defined and achievable.

Dreams are what motivate you in life and from the perspective of management science or philosophy everything is in a state of Flux and it is inherant in a man to keep moving forward. Therefore, the dreams are bound to be there which is what gives one the motivation to achieve greater heights.

How to Get Lucky

Wellington, Sep 14 (ANI): Always thought other people have all the luck? Well, this is because they understand the difference between luck and planning and know how to place themselves in the path of good fortune. And now, you too can bend the path of luck towards you.

Max Gunther has outlined13 techniques for discovering and taking advantage of life's good breaks in his book 'How to Get Lucky', which has recently been republished after its debut in 1986.

Gunther, who died in 1988, said that lucky people arrange their lives in characteristic patterns and tend to position themselves in the path of "onrushing luck", reports Stuff.co.nz.

Here are his 13 tips to turn your luck around:

1. Never confuse luck with planning:

When a desired outcome is brought about by luck, you must acknowledge that fact. If you confuse luck with planning, you will all but guarantee that your luck, in the long run, will be bad.

2. Find the fast flow:

Go where events flow fastest, surround yourself with a churning mass of people and things will happen. It doesn't matter if you are a quiet person; all you need to do is meet a lot of people and let them know who you are. Then they will direct opportunities your way.

3. Take calculated risks:

There are two ways to be an almost sure loser in life. One is to take risks that are out of proportion to the rewards being sought. The other is to take no risks at all. Lucky people, characteristically, avoid both extremes.

4. Know when to cut and run:

Always assume that a run of luck is going to be short, never try to ride a run to its peak. You will virtually always be right as the law of averages is heavily on your side.

5. Know how to select luck:

Is there some likelihood that the problems with your investment - whether it be time, money or love - will go away? Do you have some realistic hope of fixing them? If so, you should stay aboard. If not, you should get out and look for better luck elsewhere.

6. Take the zig zag path:

Despite what many people think the path to success is rarely a straight line. Lucky men and women, on the whole, are not straight-line strugglers. They not only allow themselves to be distracted, they invite distraction.

A plan should be used as a guide only and if something better comes along the plan should be discarded immediately without regret.

7. Supernatural belief can help:

Not because it makes you more lucky but because it helps you make impossible choices. Sometimes there is no rational choice to make, yet the worst reaction is to do nothing.

A supernatural belief can enable people to get into a potentially winning position simply by helping them make choices.

8. Be a bit pessimistic:

Lucky people, as a breed, tend to be pessimistic. Optimism means expecting the best, but good luck involves knowing how you will handle the worst.

9. Learn to keep your mouth shut:

Talk can tie you up and lock you in positions that seem right today but may be wrong tomorrow. Avoid unnecessary talk about your problems, plans and feelings. When there is no good reason to say something, say nothing.

10. Recognise a non-lesson:

There are experiences in life that seem to be lessons but aren't. Recognise when something was just bad luck and move on.

11. Accept the universe is unfair:

All of us, the good, the bad and the in-between, are all equally likely to realise our fondest dreams or contract cancer.

12. Be willing to be busy:

The more activities you have going the greater the likelihood that something good will happen.

13. Find a destiny partner:

This is someone who is someone who changes your luck over a long term. This person is not necessarily a romantic partner and is usually just found by blind luck but it can help if you are actively looking.

Story of Pencil - A Great Motivational story..!!

In the beginning, the Pencil Maker spoke to the pencil saying,
"There are five things you need to know before I send you out into the world. Always remember them and you will become the best pencil you can be."
FIRST:
You will be able to do many great things, but only
if you allow yourself to be held in Someone's hand.
Second:
You will experience a painful sharpening from time to time, but this is required if you are to become a better pencil.
Third:
You have the ability to correct any mistakes you might make.
Fourth:
The most important part of you will always be what's inside.
Fifth:
No matter what the condition, you must continue to write. You must always leave a clear, legible mark no matter how difficult the situation.
The pencil understood, promising to remember, and went into the
box fully understanding its Maker's purpose.
Now replacing the place of the pencil with you; always remember them and never forget, and you will become the best person you can be.
One:
You will be able to do many great things, but only if you allow yourself to be held in God's hand. And allow other human beings to access you for the many gifts you possess.

Second:
You will experience a painful sharpening from time to time, by going though various problems, but you'll need it to become a stronger person.

Third:

You will be able to correct mistakes, you might make or grew through them.

Fourth:

The most important part of you will always be what's on the inside.

and Five:

On every surface you walk, you must leave your mark. No matter what the situation, you must continue to serve God in everything.

Every one is like a pencil....

created by the maker for a unique and special purpose

by understanding and remembering, let us proceed with our life on this earth having a meaningful purpose in our heart and a relationship with god daily

YOU WERE MADE TO DO GREAT THINGS..!!

Envy Into Inspiration

So when you start to feel envious, choose .

instead to transform that envy into inspiration.

The good fortune of others does not prevent

you from enjoying your own good fortune.

In fact, the success of another serves to

show you how the same level of success

can be brought about in your own life.

Instead of being resentful when you see

progress and achievement, be thankful.

Then allow what you see to inspire a

similar level of achievement within yourself.

Delight in the good fortune of others and you put

yourself in position to share that good fortune.

The more you celebrate life's abundance,

the more solidly you connect to that abundance.

Has someone else accomplished or attained

something that you would dearly love to have?

Allow yourself to be inspired by it.

Let that inspiration sink deeply into you,

so that it has a place within you where

it will always be.

Then take that inspiration and put it

into real, positive, effective action.

Enrich your whole world

If you don't feel like taking action, that's just because you Haven't started. Get started, get going, get involved in Making a difference, and you will absolutely feel like it Very quickly.

Right now is the time for action. Right now is when you can Do something that will have a positive impact on your world, On your life, and on your lifestyle.

If you wish to get ahead, it takes more than just wishing. Clearly define where you want to go, and you can start Working on it right now.

Do you want to be lucky? Those who experience the best luck Are those who make their own luck by making the most of what They have.

What you have, right now, is this moment and this Opportunity to do something useful and meaningful with it.
Go ahead, seize that opportunity and make something truly Amazing with it.

Surprise and impress yourself with what you can accomplish When you focus your energy on it. This is your moment to Enrich your whole world, so get busy, get going and make it Great.

Your only competition is you.

Far too often we get caught up in the endless cycle of competition. If we're not ahead, many times we become stale and depressed. Our obsession with comparing ourselves to others has left us feeling dejected and alone. If someone else succeeds, we secretly wish it was us rather than them. I know I've felt this way plenty of times - but why?

Comparing yourself to others is a worthless cause. While competition can provide for some solid motivation every now and then, the truth is your only competition is you.

It's taken me a while to realize this, and in some regards I'm still learning, but you must focus on only the things you can control. Over the past few years I've worked on taming my ego and have seen tremendous results as in the process. Instead of wasting my time comparing myself to others, I've learned to focus on only what I can change - me. That's not to say I don't keep up with other personal development blogs or care whats going on in the world. But rather I've simply dropped my obsession with knowing what others are doing.

To provide value you must focus on creating not comparing.

Set High Standards

If you want to succeed in anything, it is essential that you set high standards for yourself. These standards must be defined by you, not your family, not your friends but you. Only you know what you're capable of. Be brave and be bold. Failure is your friend.

Having high expectations for yourself conditions you to succeed. Does that mean you will always come out on top - of course not? But having high standards at leasts positions you so you have a chance. For much of my life, my standards for myself were fairly low. I was content with being just OK. Over the years however I realized that deep down I wasn't OK with just existing. I wanted to stand out. I wanted to contribute in massive ways.

Don't let excuses keep you from living . You're bigger than excuses anyway. When you come up short accept the reality and work hard to improve. While it's perfectly OK to be ordinary realize that you have the power to change your current reality. If you're not happy with where you are, you can make the choice to grow. If you're happy with where you are consider yourself lucky and embrace it.

Kill Self Sabotage

Self sabotage is a notorious dream killer. It limits our mind and keeps us grounded when all our soul wants to do is flying. Do what you must to kill self sabotage. Become aware of your thinking. Is it mostly positive? Or is your mind cluttered with dismissive chatter?

When you become aware of your thoughts you gain control.

I know when I was growing up self sabotage was my number one adversary. Day in and day out we would have epic battles, many of which I lost. After many inner battles however I discovered my self sabotage was as powerful as I made it. Stop giving your dark side authority.

While you may find it difficult at first, you have the the ability to control your thoughts. Stand up to self sabotage, it's not as tough as it seems.

Embrace Competition

Don't be afraid of competition but rather embrace it. This doesn't mean to compare yourself to others but rather use others success as motivation. If you feel you can do a better job at something, go for it. Of course you won't always succeed. Just remember failure is future success in disguise.

Don't beat yourself up if you come up short. Taking a step, even if you fumble, is worth more than having never moved at all. When I see other personal development bloggers succeed I get excited, because I know I can do the same. While I admit I have an occasional serving of jealousy, this is usually when I'm stunned by self sabotage and not in the right state of mind.

Whatever it is you want to do, you have the resources to do so . In the age of technology there is absolutely no excuse as to why you can't succeed. Use others for motivation but never waste a moment comparing yourself to someone else. The only thing you can completely control is you.

Permission To Take Control

I used to think that in order to be successful I had to be like everyone else. But as we all know that won't get you anywhere. While it's perfectly acceptable to model someone, it is essential for you to be authentic and true.

Give yourself permission to take control. Realize that you are 100 percent responsible for your current reality.

Stop wasting your precious time worrying about whats going on around you and instead put all your energy and focus towards creating a better you. Create instead of complaining. Build instead of destroy.

Dare to experiment. Dare to explore.

Your only competition is you.

The Law of Life

The Law of Life

Whatever you give away today or think or say or do

Will multiply about tenfold and then return to you.

It may not come immediately, nor from the obvious source,

but the Law applies unfailingly through some invisible force.

Whatever you feel about another, be it love or hate or passion,

Will surely balance right back to you in some clear or secret fashion.

If you speak about some person, a word of praise or two,

soon tons of people will speak kind words of you.

Our thoughts are broadcasts of the soul, not secrets of the brain.

Kind ones bring us happiness, petty ones bring untold pain.

Giving works as surely as reflections in a mirror, if hate you send,

hate you get back, but loving brings love nearer.

Remember as you start this day, and duty crowds your mind,

that kindness comes so quickly back to those who first are kind.

Let that thought and this one direct you through each day…

The only things we ever keep are the things we give away.